Put on Hold...

The docs office called this morning and cancelled my appointment. Then they called back later and booked me for 9 tomorrow morning. I guess the doc was called in for an emergency surgery at the hospital. And while I'm glad I'm not the emergency it takes a lot to get me ready for an appointment emotionally. So being a bit selfish I am upset I got moved to tomorrow but I guess I was made a priority patient because they got me in tomorrow for when he has no office hours. I wonder if it means he has booked my surgery and wants to see me this week so we can move on next week? Or maybe he wants more tests? I hope the results of the past surgery are enough and I don't need to redo everything again. I don't know what I'll do if he says that. I mean, I guess I have no choice but man emotionally I'm drained and just want to get on the road to getting better. I just don't know how much I have left to hold tihs all together. I'm in tears thinking about having to hold out another couple of weeks even muchless another month if I have to wait. Just breathing and getting through the day with a positive attitude takes every ounce I have right now...ask my friends. I can't even fake being nice to them when I'm so tired of holding myself together and staying positive. I know I'll get better soon but it's been so long the waiting is torture. I wanna slepp a whole night without waking 10 times to pee and walk to the store or around the block without having to take pain killers. I can't wait to just sit and relax without having to think about feeling better...like meditating myself into a comfortable place.

okay, enough pouting for today...off to nap...more tomorrow...