Another Way...

Some of you will not believe the following entry but I have to say that this is one of my many experiences with energy healing and I have found it quite helpful. As many of you know I had gone in January as well as taken classes in becoming a healer myself back before I was ill…during my illness all my energy was gone and I could barely muster enough to work on myself much less work on others.

So I once again made my journey to the “healer” and came out feeling more relaxed and healthy than I have in a long time. While my doctors seem confused about what is happening to my body with the random blood results she was confidant when she told me that I was no longer sick. Part of me believes it and part of me wants to because it is easier than the alternative. I do not necessarily feel Cushie again and have mostly good days so that is why I too believe that this may be a healing period where my body is “learning to walk” again.

The doctors are not able to explain my blood results and waiver between a recurrence and some sort of problem somewhere in my body. I love when they say they don’t know but they do think something is wrong. After years of medical school and practicing medicine they have no answers so perhaps that is why I am inclined to believe a person who offers an alternative explanation; one I amble to understand and believe.

The current “healer” explanation would be that my body has been though hell and back beginning with my childhood and culminating with Cushing’s and the battle for the past two years. This resulted in illness. Let’s face it; there is a lot of medical research out there that supports negative experiences resulting in cancer and other rare diseases. These are battles we all must face and for those of you who know me AI have had more than just the battle with Cushing’s. It just happens that this was my last straw. So now my body is in a metamorphosis and I am healing so rapidly that it causes periods of pain and stress to organs therefore causing hormone and other fluctuations in my blood results. Gee, do you think that makes some sense? I do! My body has been so out of whack that it does need to relearn how to work in my genuine self and then once the healing is over I will no longer suffer.

And some people have seen that change in me through this illness. A willingness to stand up for myself and be my own person or as Dr. Phil would say my “authentic-self.” I have to agree that I am at a new place in life and am more content with myself than I have ever been. I have literally let go of my past and no longer do things to get people to love me or like me – the choice is theirs and I have my own choices to make. I choose not to allow these people to dictate my life any longer and to help others because it makes me feel better. Not because I want them to like me or because I expect some reward from the deal. The reward is seeing the help I offer come to fruition. Not many people get to this point. I guess that makes me lucky and thankful I had this disease and maybe still do…the answer remains to be seen by those in the medical world. I am even considering an alternative career path while maintaining my current one.

But for now I think that I am healing and if it is not a full physical healing then let it be one that is spiritual in nature and emotional and whatever else it needs to be to let me be myself. I will never be a religious person but I do believe that I am here with a purpose and now that purpose has changed to helping others, defending and assisting those with rare disease when no one else will. And while that gives me another full-time job it also gives me fulfillment that a “professional” career can never give a person. And now I fight for all those who suffer from Cushing’s and those who had rare diseases because we all have the same obstacles and no archangel to protect them…I will be that person if I am called upon.

I am hoping to start a foundation or some organization to help people get their lives back. Or maybe I will become a traditional healer. Who knows where this path will take me but for now I will do what it takes to pay the bills and put away every penny that I can to help others and to organize help for them. And while I can not work yet I am going to be selling my jewelry and other things to help pay my bills and then whatever is left will go toward helping others like me…whether it is finding a doc, listening with compassion, helping them find a way to get bills paid or waived…whatever it takes there is another way and perhaps the “healer” has something on all those medical docs who seem to not be able to answer. For now I am with the healer in the belief that the universe will provide what I need to fulfill my purpose in life – whatever that may exactly be remains yet again to be seen but through this journey it will emerge…

As the healer said my butterfly will emerge from the cocoon but there is some pain and stickiness that must pass…I just happen to be in that phase. I never told her this was the tattoo that I would get once my scars healed from my thoracic surgery – I had decided this months ago…I saw the tattoo as my rebirth…and that’s exactly what she said…so we await the future and trust the universe will take care of the rest.