Am I Doing Any Good?

Everyday I email people just like me promising them I will be there to see them through this horrible disease and all the in-between phases of recurrence. But, am I really doing anything? I encourage them to continue their fight but what's left after the fight when their bodies and minds may or may not be what and who they were before.

I know I am not the same and like cancer patient who has had chemo and now has curly hair vs. their previously straight hair. I am not the same and once again I have a chance of recurrence like any cancer patients or one who has experienced serious illness. For the rest of my life this disease can come back...look it did once and can again. The only difference is cancer is understood and the other "c" word is not. It makes it harder for me to try to gain awareness and talk to people telling them that if they fight hard enough they too can make it. What if we want to fight another way; through homeopathic medicine so that we can enjoy our lives to a certain point and prepare for an end. It either this or plan for what we all know will come healthy or with Cushing's DEATH!!!

So my question is, does this blog make you understand my plight and those of others like me? Does it make you feel better to read it and know there is someone out there like me? Does it help you get results, help your friends and family understand? Your job? Do they care that your brilliant one minute and dumb as a box of rocks the next? Do you volunteer that you are having moments? Kind of like do you tell them you are pregnant when you interview?

I believed in a time of honesty; but others do not understand this in the working world and choose to believe we are all healthy all the time. They do not think you are allowed to get cancer and Cushing's and other long-term illness. What do we do? Be honest? How honest and honest about what?

I feel now more than ever we need a foundation that helps people who have been out of "work" for long periods of time acclimate to the "real world." You know the ones where people talk about shopping, movies, gossip, etc. What do we have to add to the conversation that is not a total downer. Do we bring an understanding so they look at us with respect or disgust?

So I ask myself? Do I do any good chatting with millions of Cushing's patients trying to get on national television? Does anybody care about something other than the bottom-line and the "c" word? My goal was to get people to understand the last two years of my life and those of others.

Am I doing any good? Sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep wondering if I have helped one person to either get through the disease or to understand it? That is my purpose in life...but who would fund such a foundation...employers already have workers and people really don't care if it is now possible for you to shop or walk and talk without pausing at awkward moments to think or remember. Most employers don't care and just want healthy employees - ones that won't relapse. We wear MedicAlert bracelets so people know - because we could get very ill without them. Any thoughts on who would care to help out a program together with job training provide updates on social skills and knowledge so people can jump right back in or change careers? These are just parts of getting one's life back, part of what a foundation could do for families and members. It's just food for thought and something I have been asking myself lately...am I doing any good?

So as you read this or lay down think about the pages you have read and ask yourself if the next time you see someone with Cushing's "how will you feel?" Will you react in disgust, indifference, or compassion? Will you help? And will that help do any good? Am I doing anything to help any of you?