Up Bright and Early

Good morning all,

Once again I am suffering from severe insomnia associated with Cushing's. It's great for getting things done but not good for actual sleep. I'm beginning to feel the effects of no sleep once again. First my heart races to a point that it wakes me up and then I lay there trying to figure out if I should get up. It also crosses my mind if I'm going to have a heart attack. Not a very good feeling in the middle of the night. I have been trying to use Ambien to put me to sleep and it works for about an hour. So if you have ever taken the drug you know that I must be really screwed up to be able to wake up only an hour into its effect.

I hate when this happens because then my mind starts to go and I become very disorganized and forgetful. Yesterday I couldn't remember drinking part of my Gatorade while I was taking a nap. I should say attempting to take a nap. Everyday I try to rest since I get very little sleep at night these days.

But back to the confusion. I start cooking dinner and need to set the timer for every couple of minutes so I remember to check on it. Often I forget what I was cooking in the first place and end up with either too much to eat or too little. It doesn't matter as I only eat a small amount and toss the rest because my belly gets full fast. All that inner abdominal fat I have gained puts a lot of pressure down there and squishes everything. I wonder if my food actually gets digested by my stomach or gets mutilated because of all the organs vying for space. That's actually a funny picture if you think of them as cartoon characters battling each other for space in my body. Well soon enough they may have more room since I may need to have my gallbladder and adrenals removed. My next visit should tell me more about what is going to happen next.

I should say my next endo appointment on the 25th. I go this morning for blood work on the vitamin D deficiency thing and a metabolic panel. I also visit my primary care today because the new blood pressure medication isn't working. And man, when your blood pressure gets high you can tell. Imagine all those characters fighting as it is and then add a ton of pressure and air squeezing them all together. Talk about a battle royale!

I just hope they move fast this time and I can get it all done at once. Hey they have to cut my tummy anyway; they might as well take the adrenals and the gallbladder. I will try to get the doctors to do the lipo too but I doubt it will happen. :-) More of a joke anyway. Someone I met with Cushing's mentioned she tried lipo several times and they couldn't do it because her fat layers are below the muscle tissue. Typically your fat sits between your skin and muscles so they have an easier time getting it out. I already look all lumpy; I don't need anymore help. And to think I was going to get a tattoo to cover these horrible scars...At this rate I'll need my entire torso covered!

Sorry, I had to take a moment to jot down my "to do" list. I keep forgetting things I need to do and calls that need to be made so I have had to start a list again. I can't even remember to go to the store to get food these days without writing it down. it seems the past two weeks have been a dramatic decline from where I was post surgery and I'm almost back to where I started. I'm gaining weight again too! UGH! Five pounds this past week. It is a wonder I don't burn my house down or forget to get out of bed to pee...

Okay, I better go get ready for my tests...