Progress Halted

So I'm back where I started with the steroids...I had to stop my taper because my body doesn't want to work properly and I am at risk for going back in the hospital. The past week I have been suffering with my sodium and potassium fluctuating and causing me to have nausea, headaches, severe pain and a whole bunch of other things. The pain is the worst I think because it is so bad I can hardly think unless I take something. Often I can't sleep at night and during the day I am no longer able to go for my walks. I am going to try a walk today after I write this in hopes that I can get some fresh air as I am getting "cabin fever" again.

My doctor said to stop the taper until I feel better again and then we can start over. I wish my adrenal glands would kick back in! They are so painful right now that no pain medication can help them. Besides the fact they are making me lose tremendous amounts of water and fluid again which means my poor kidneys are working overtime.

I'm going to keep fighting though. Next weekend is my first attempt to get out of my house and the town for a vacation since all of this started. I'm hoping that a change of scenery will help renew my spirit and just give me a little space to breathe in a space that isn't full of sickness. We are going out to the country and doing some sight seeing that has little stress attached to it. I can't wait to just get away from all these reminders of all the things I have been through in the past year and a half. I guess it has been that long, I lost track and when I look at things I guess my illness (symptoms) started in January 2004 with my pneumonia. Little did I know then what changes in my life lay ahead. But hey, this coming weekend will be great! I am keeping my higher dose of steroids and will try to taper after my trip. If anything I think the trip will do me better than sitting on my butt.

Eventually I'll get off these steroids and I will feel better. I called to schedule an appointment for physical therapy even though it isn't in my budget (the copay even seems like a lot these days) to help me start to regain my physical strength and get through this steroid thing. The doctors say that once I'm off them I should feel better it is just trying to get off them and make my body work at the same time that is the tricky part.

I'm also trying to organize a few things for when I'm able to return to work in a few months (hopefully January) which helps occupy my mind and keep me focused on getting better. I have been writing a lot and reaching out to people to figure out what is next for me. My current job won't return my calls and I am guessing that when I go back they will say they don't need me and have to "downsize." It is hard to understand how people can turn their backs like that - it's not like I tried to get a tumor and then figured out that I had two. Anyway, I need to prepare for my future even if that doesn't mean a full-time return to work. I'm lucky I have been forced to take this time to figure out what I really want to do with my career even though this change will be very scary and is even harder since money is extremely scarce. If only I were rich! I know we all say that. I know money doesn't make things all good but it certainly helps in times like this. I should throw a fundraiser...lol.

Well, I'm off to try that walk and at least get some fresh air. I promise I'll start writing more now and will probably have some new pictures soon from my trip...maybe the beautiful scenery will detract from the complete change my body has gone through. I still haven't lost the weight and am very weak...let's hope physical therapy helps that part...I'm off!