Testing , Stares, and UGH!

So I heard from my endo last night and discussed what has been happening to me the past 10 days. She immediately scheduled me for another round of tests this morning to check for possible recurrence or malfunctions of both my pituitary and adrenal glands. If this is true then it looks like I will need radiation and possibly at least one more surgery on the pituitary and the adrenals. Not good news. But keep your fingers crossed that I'm just having really bad symptoms from my last surgery and the diabetes insipidus (DI)!

As if that wasn't bad enough, people treat you different when you have some sort of physical aliment. I never thought anything about it before I got sick except when I had some sick problems. Now I was sitting waiting for my tests and no one would sit by me. Why you ask? Well, as I have mentioned before my DI and possible pitutary malfunction make me sweat uncontrollably - it's not even real sweat, it's water that decides to seep out my pores like a faucet. Anyway the office was packed and people were standing instead of sitting in the chairs next to me like I had some horrible disease and was going to give it to them. Trust me I don't smell because it's not real sweat! Besides that I had literally just showered. Freaks!

Although, this not the first time that this has happened to me. Since I have gained the massive amounts of weight and all the other physical changes people just stare at me. Like the other day when I was at the grocery store and began to "glisten" the cashier and person behind me both exchanged glances after looking at me. They probably think I'm going to go "postal" on them. And people who knew me before also stare and act strange - well some of them do.

On Saturday I went to the jewelry store to have them make me a Medic-Alert bracelet and of course I had to have a dozen things put on it. This created a long discussion about what happened to me and a million questions as it usually does. I don’t mind talking about it and the sales lady was very compassionate but I still got the strange looks. I felt bad enough having never been sick in my life until now and being so young but having to build a charm bracelet so that all the items could fit. How weird. I tried to make it look as normal as possible but I still think people will look at me with my new label as being a freak of some sort. Very few people take the time to understand. It’s frustrating and beginning to wear down my spirit at times. I almost don’t want to go where there are people because the looks are becoming so frequent and apparent.

Anyway, before walking there I had gone to the pharmacy to discuss the symptoms I had been having and I broke out in a sweat. I immediately had to try to make him understand that it was the DI/pituitary problems causing this not some sort of drug problem since I’m on several narcotics. He tried not to stare but it was clear and he laughed once I told him because he was a bit ashamed at wanting to ask. Good thing I know him fairly well. He also mentioned that my eyes were dilated and asked me about my vision problems. I said I had been having a halo effect and he strongly recommended I contact my doc as it could be the start of new problems. Fantastic!

It’s not even hot when these “glistening” problems occur! I will start in the middle of my freezing, air conditioned apartment or in the middle of a park or anywhere really. It gets so bad that I have to change my clothes several times a day. Boy, am I beginning to hate laundry and even getting dressed. But it doesn’t matter if I just showered…the other day I had to lay around for two hours butt-naked trying to stop sweating after my shower walking in front of my AC units. Hello, it was 65 degrees in my apartment at best!

So today, I am trying to brave the stares again because I need to get out. I am going to lunch with a friend and chose a place with very few customers so that it won’t be so embarrassing and hurtful.

You know, it’s twisted because people stare and those brave enough to ask later say how strong and how well I am coping yet they are the first to stare…interesting! More later…