I'm Back...

from my visit to the hospital and now have my brain back enough to type what happened for you. As I said last week I was in the hospital for 11 days because I now have diabetes incipidus. I thought all diabetes had something to do with sugar but apprently this type has to do with water and fluid in the body. My pitutary is now telling my adrenal glands and kidneys to release all the water in every cell of my body which accounts for the massive amounts of urine that I was having. I'm down to only a couple of gallons a day now instead of several.

Anyway, I had quite the experience. I went into the emergency room thinking my brain was leaking fluid and having massive headaches and the next day I was sicker than any other day of my life. I literally thought I was going to die and I think for a moment or two I wished I had. I woke up on day two to a nurse who hates me because I ask questions and she doesn't have answers...she works at the dotors office not at the hospital. She has had an "issue" with me since day one; no clue why she just has since I told her I worked with many medical professionals developing education and public relations programs. So she is sitting there lecturing me and I'm trying not to vomit. I hate to puke and am deathly afraid of it so I try anything not to these days. Besides the fact I was afraid of popping my suture in the brain. Anyway, she tells me my labs are fine and that she thinks I have mental issues and a possible drug addiction because there is no reason to be in the hospital other than me wanting attention...like I said she hadn't bothered to read my labs or she would have known different but she lied and said she had. She left me feeling miserable but I said I would do a psych consult and meet with pain management to see if I really had problems...maybe I was missing something but at least I knew it would get her out of my face so I could get sick in peace.

I felt horrible. Worse than any other time in my life when she left my room and five minutes later I started vomiting right before I was due for my MRI. It turns out my labs would have told her I was very ill and my sodium had crashed overnight to almost "nothing." They moved my MRI thinking it was just a one time thing but apparently I threw up every 15 minutes or so for at least eight hours. I have no real recolection of this but its what I was told by the many docs and nurses who came to see me the following days. All I can remember is feeling vidicated since the nurse had continually accused me of lying and here we are with eight docs from all different specialties trying to "crisis" me so that I wouldn't conitnue to "walk" toward a bad situation. I remember people coming in and out of my room in the ICU but not really who they were and what they were doing...I just remember sweating like a faucet and throwing up so hard I had bruises on my stomach and chest and an abrasion on my mouth from rubbing on the basin. Everytime I would vomit I would also have to pee...I was so afraid of wetting myself! I would rotate from my bed to toilet every few minutes because the pressure and movement of one would cause the other to happen. I was dizzy and sick with every move, I had to close my eyes so I could try to stop spinning. They got me calm for about 30 minutes and tried the MRI...I made it in but immediately had to come out so I could vomit. It was worse than being in a coffin because I was hot and sick and couldn't control anything. I couldn't even stick my tongue in water without throwing up...hours of vomiting without any fluid except what I was getting in my IV...they pumped drugs left and right into my IV and patches on my skin trying to get me under control but it continued for hours. Not only was I violently ill but my head felt as though someone had cracked it open and was playing doctor and losing...you know the game that kids play and get shocked when they touch the side - I guess it's called Operation. I had never had pain and sickness like this and I remember seeing the hall lights and wishing they would knock me out and cut me open to either fix me or send me on my way.

Days later I was still losing all this fluid and I needed to get it under control. It's better now but my muscles and body are paying a high price. I'm boucing between severely dehydrated and over watered...both are very destructive and harmful to your organs and your muscles. Now I am forced to drink a ton a day and not just water since I am losing many nutrients and my body needs to get them so my muscles can funtion as well as my organs. With so much loss I can't seem to keep up so every day I am tired and weak beyond anything I have ever known. I push myself so others don't feel bothered by me but I know it's only hurting me even more. I just can't stand being so helpless and feeling like such a bother. This fatigue is only partly because of the hospital but mainly because my chemicals are still all whacked and not in balance. I see the endo again tomorrow to see what we can do to make this better.

All right, I have a massive headache now and need to lay down...more later...