Racing Heart

Last night I was jolted awake by a humming bird in my chest, or at least it felt like one. I could have sworn my heart was going to give out it was beating so fast and hard. I could feel it in my throat. But it's probably nothing to worry about since they are changing my meds once again.

I went to the doctor earlier this week as a follow up to the blood pressure check up and we have to take me off one of the meds because it's making my asthma freak out. So I'm tapering off one drug and adding another. One gives me horrible dryness and the other causes severe palpitations. UGH! Even this morning I feel like that damn bird is still in there. It's making it hard to breath and man is my heart pounding.

Anyway, the doc said I most likely do have a glucose problem since I'm spiking all over the map. She also mentioned that it's likely that I will have to have my gallbladder out since it is causing lots of pain and digestive problems. Maybe if they take my adrenals they can do both surgeries at once.

Yesterday the neurosurgeon called. I think it finally sunk in that this is far from over for me. He mentioned that steroids could be causing some of the problems but was more concerned when I mentioned my sugar and blood pressure spikes. He is planning to call the new endo and setting up an action plan. The thought of another surgery seems somewhat easy compared to the radiation they are discussing. The radiation takes years to work if it works at all and until it does my health would continue to deteriorate. I can't imagine feeling any worse. At least with surgery I know what to expect.

Needless to say I'm a bit freaked and not doing very well right now. It's been 13 months of testing and probably even longer that I have been sick. I am pretty shot emotionally and physically right now. And most days I am doing fairly well but it hits me so hard sometimes I don't even know what to do except cry. I just want this to be over. I want my life back before it is all ruined by this damn disease; before it takes everything away from me.

All I want to do is scream but I'm afraid it will give me a heart attack...off to try and stop this beating...