Twas' the Night Before...

The big appointment at Columbia in NYC and I'm nervous as all hell. I have called almost everyone that is still speaking to me and told them every story I can think to tell...and probably not making any sense along the way. Cushing's will do that to a girl. I have emailed all my Cushie friends and offered support where I can; especially for first timers who are nervous about the pain of surgery...it's not the surgery they need to be afraid of and I told them so. I cleaned the house and made three dozen cookies with frosting and all just to keep myself busy so I don't explode with anxiety. I guess I should pop a pill for that too but I don't like to use them unless I am having bad heart palpitations and stuff.

I just took my blood pressure and it it 160/110 and my pulse is 110 resting. I hate feeling like this! I hope they don't tell me I'm crazy tomorrow and you probably think I am strange for saying that but I hve heard it one too many times even when I had evidence of my disease. It is terifying to think that these will be docs 17 and 18, I think, and I may still not et any answers. I am hoping to orrow we can get a game plan in order and I can move on with my life by the end of February. I am already planning alist of things I need to do and things I want but sadly the to do is going to come before I get to enjoy being healthy again for various reasons - mainly complications in life from being chronically ill for so many months.

I'm not scared of surgery and I want it now. And if they want they can take my adrenal glands too so I know I will not have any sort of cortisol problem...and just a reminder, those pills on the diet pills shelf are a crock of shit...if theyworked people like me wouldn't have to go through multiple surgeries - brain surgery at that.

Oh, I also wrapped all the presents today and ran the last of my errands. it took a lot of drugs to get me through it and I am sure tomorrow I will pay and barely be able to walk but maybe it will work for me and there will be no doubts about Cushing's. My friend's dog has Cushing's and was in the ER all weekend - not from complications for the Cush she says but everything is a complication from Cushing's disease. That is why we have so many problems. Anyway, the dog is ok. Thanks goodness.

Right now I know four people that are in my same exact situation...you would think these docs could figure it out since we are able to find each other and our common problems and solutions. Why doesn't medicine pay more attention to the patient and what we say vs what our tests say - we aren't crazy and we are able to talk where tests can not.

Well, I ramble with nerves so I will let you go...more tomorrow...