God Help Me...

...or someone. I gave up the search for a surgeon in NJ today. It appears no one takes insurance and no one takes Aetna because the healthcare system only pays docs $1800 per surgery, brain surgery. The closet doc is NYC but they want me to wait six months for a consult. I've been in tears all day at the thought of having to lose everything I have worked for, my job, my home, and my life. Granted it's not much here in NJ but it's something I have worked for and would hate to have to try and do over again. Anyone who grew up where I came from knows it's hard to get away the first time muchless twice. I plan on talking to the health editor at our local paper to write a piece for them. Maybe I can get paid for it!

I have been working with my mom and hope to figure things out if I can get a little more help from my friends I should be able to swing my apartment and nothing else until I can try to go back to work again. With some fancy financing and a roommate I can swing it longer but this is about survival here. Besides it would be just as expensive to move home as it would to try and stay...not to mention the cost of trying to move back here. No way anyone would give me an apartment with bad credit because of all these medical bills.

Anyway, NY State owes me money too and then eventually my Social Security would kick in...with that help I can hopefully save my life and my health...I also have to file my taxes this week and maybe I can get some from that and it sounds like my car acciedent may or may not come through soon. My docs just spoke with my lawyers this week. But we all know they will get most of it.

I'm applying for food stamps and other goverment aid today...who would have thought my life would have come to this...begging at every door step that's somewhat open and taking from the government. But I guess that's why we pay taxes.

Okay enough for one day...