Playing the Fool

Hi all, sorry I've been MIA for the past week but I was feeling great - well as great as I can feel.

Last week I felt pretty good. I even got three workouts for about half an hour in and lost about five pounds total so far.

But late yesterday I felt as though I got hit by a truck. I was ready to sleep at 6 p.m. and tried to stay wake until 8 or nine when it's a little more respectable to pass out. I madeit till about 9:30 and just woke up a few minutes ago only because my stomach is rumbling. I know, I know, I told you I can never sleep but occasionally this happens where I wake up only to eat for like two days. That's what I feel like and what happened when this all started in September. Every muscle in my body feels like it's too much to respond and it just ran a marathon. I think you've heard me say that one before.

My vision and balance are also off today and when I tried to read an email sent to me by another "cushie" I couldn't understand it after three lines. I got frustrated and closed the email realizing that this disease is playing me for a fool. I love how it makes you believe you can conquer the world one minute and the next I feel too whacked to even roll out of bed.

I guess I just really want to be better and I'm fighting so hard to maintain a "normal" life that part of me forgot I have tests coming back this week for cancer, Cushing's and diabetes. Maybe my lack of a wake up call is really a wake up call that this isn't over and that it likely won't be anytime soon.

I'm still going to try and be normal because as I have been saying for the past couple of weeks; "I'm not dead yet, and why should I act it." But for today I think I'll just let my body tell me what to do and if that means lying in bed all day than that's what I'm going to have to do - there's always tomorrow.