Debt and Chronic Illness...

I have been to some of the world's best hospitals trying to get help over the past month or two and all I got for Christmas was a bill for one hospital to the grand total of almost $20,000. As you know I never discuss the really personal stuff about my family or money on here because I like to keep some things private but this has gotten so far out of hand it stresses me beyond the breaking point. Those aren’t the only bills I pay; hundreds a month for medications, including those covered by Medicare; other doctor bills for regular maintenance of my various conditions; and hospital bills, etc. that have been building up over the years. I had recently just finished my last bills so getting all these at once were a blow.

I don't usually discuss the monetary stuff on here as I hate to share such personal information but this has gotten to be something I loathe and promise to battle once I am well...all I can do now is write about the people who fall between cracks in our health care system and receive little financial help.

Most of the doctors and hospitals have very few resources for people like me, they tell me I am too “rich” to get any help despite the fact my monthly medical bills are far beyond my monthly income levels. I have called several charities that are supposed to help the underinsured and uninsured but they offer little help. And once again this does not include the payment of a vehicle I need to get me to and from my appointments when I am well enough to drive there since public transportation is out of the question and not able to be done from my home to where the locations are for my docs. I have bills for food, and home and things just like everyone else but they don’t count that when they tell me “no mama, we can’t help you.” Part of the discrimination is probably because I am only 34 and on SSDI and Medicare…do I deserve it, they don’t even ask about my conditions and the reasons for numerous doctors’ visits each month.

And to think that I used to support the medical industry with my whole heart and soul believing it was doing well for the world and curing sick people…but what good is it if we can’t access it? This is why once I get better if I can’t do it before I will be building a foundation to help chronically ill people find help paying not just medical bills but their life expenses as well. Someone needs to help until the government is reformed to a point to where it can and will.

This week was spent leaving begging messages and writing letters for help. No one has gotten back or even returned a call, not even State Medicaid which I would qualify for if they took the time to add up my medical expenses and look at my actual income. It suffocates me when bill time comes because I end up only having pennies left each month and I can no longer even afford groceries. People forget that people in my condition need to have a place to live and food to get them better among the other necessities of life; I don’t even buy new clothes. The people who are supposed to help are too lazy or overwhelmed to actually do any work other than the standard forms which does not include those for exceptions like me and other long-term illness people.

This is when I wonder where the humanity of our charities and government have gone; only to help other countries and not their own people? There are a few trying to make a difference but they are beating their heads against the world. It also makes me wonder where all my fundraising friends have gone and where their friendship has as well…I would be doing back flips to try and help but I guess I can’t ask them to be me.

So when people question me about what I do for fun or why I want to change careers once I am better. I just look at them like, do I have money to do fun things, no! But why would you want to help other and make less money than you did before, well because my life priorities have changed and there is a huge gap in this world that prevents people from me from getting better…and don’t think the stress does not make us worse. The stress of bills actually makes us keep some problems longer and prevents us from getting better, I am sure you have read the studies about preventing illness and getting people better faster helps, well why doesn’t someone do it. One day I will do what I can to help and I won’t be living in my illness, I will have overcome it and will be helping others to do the same.

When you go through the things I have and see the bills even after insurance or Medicare you too would understand the emotional and physical toll it takes on someone who has not cure in sight. Being chronically sick changes you and I like to think for the better…

Please pray that I find a way to get through this financial hardship so I can rest and get better without the additional stress and the threat of losing the rest of what I have, I don’t even have my own home anymore, so there isn’t much left to take…

But for now I will just breathe deeply and try getting through the hard part of the month where I can deal with the illness but not the consequences of it, especially the financial ones that will take away my future as well.