Life Crashes Into Us

Last week I was in another car accident - once again not my fault. I have some trauma to my head and neck causing the need for physical therapy, increased medication, and no driving. I will make it through – nothing compared to my struggle with Cushing’s.

At first I was mad but then I stopped and realized this was just another symbol of being alive. There are times in our life when it is uncontrollable and just moves us along without paying attention. We can't control everything and sometimes need to let go and let things happen - good or bad. Yes, I am frustrated with the set back this accident gave me and the further financial troubles it is causing but I will find my way through. I am scared about the additional damage to my head area and the visual problems I am having since the accident but there is not much I can do about it except take care of what I can…and let go.

Life does crash into us sometimes in the physical sense like this accident and sometimes like my disease. But there is a reason to it all. We have to look for that reason; not just stay angry. Yes, my life is taking a step backwards from the little I have moved forward but this accident reminds me of the course I need to take with my life. Not just starting the foundation and helping others battle rare diseases but I have to take care of myself. I need to remember who I am and not get caught up in just going through life because I need to pay the bills. I need to follow my calling and I bet the accident was a reminder to me of just that…I need to do what makes me happy and fulfilled.

For too long I had been doing things to make others happy and to pay the bills and support a very big jeans addiction. I probably will never lose the addiction to my jeans but they really are a part of me over a stuffy suit. Recently I had been doing a project to pay the bills vs. because I liked where and what I was doing. Perhaps the accident was a reminder of the need to refocus my attention to that of what I want out of life rather than just going through the motions.

Like I said, sometimes life crashes into us and the job is for us to figure out why…

Secrets

So I have been doing the tv shoot for TLC's CoverShot and I haven't written because it took a lot out of me emotionally and physically - it is not easy being a model or being in front of the camera for hours on end but it was worth it so far...the crew is awesome and I love them! I am also in the middle of a move so I can pay my medical bills off and start helping other financially and through the foundation. Any help is welcome. If you are a doc or just a person who cares and wants to help please let me know...

So during the shoot I did get a tad emotional and not always in front of the camera but you will see some painful moments. The shoot brought up a lot of painful memories but also helped me to really see how far I have come...maturing both emotionally and as a person. I hope that this story they tell is not just about a makeover but one of getting through the hard times so that I can inspire others to get through their hardships; no matter what they are in life! So much good can come from hardships you just need to look a little further to find the "secret" you get while one goes through something like this. This illness was my greatest gift - my mother said recently it changes you and only you know the secret you carry...it's one that makes you different but stronger! My secret has made me a strong and better person I just wish I could explain it. Other that I speak with though the support groups and references from friends who think I can help all believe that they too experience this change/secret...it changes your life and you as a person. I may still be a smartass and crack jokes but my heart also runs deeper and wants to help even more. My mom had brain surgery for a tumor and she too carries the secret. I think all the people who experience a rare disease have a special secret because no one relates to us except others - I don't even know that cancer patients carry this secret because people in the outside world understand them more than us rare folks...perhaps they do but never talk about it because cancer is so socially accepted now that the battle is different form one where we are judged because of the way we look and act even though we can not control it all...I know cancer patients experience changes - I have worked with many but I have never heard anyone tell me their secret...I'd love to hear about the secrets we all carry from life changing events - death, life, illness, abuse, etc. Sadly I have had more than one of these occasions but Cushing's changed me the most.

I am currently researching names for my foundation to help all people with rare diseases because I think we all carry this secret my mom mentioned - hey she had brain surgery and also carries her secret. I can't wait to get started and I hope that I can count on my readers and friends to help me get it up and running so that others can find the secret and get help! I know there are foundations and even refer people to them but I just need to do something and use my skill as a communicator and patient educator - it now has a larger purpose rather than to just pay the bills. Any ideas - please feel free to email me.

So tomorrow I get to see some of the end result and it scares me but I am sure it will be emotional – I’m not telling any of the secrets – you will have to watch the show…so off to bed since I have a move and a tv show to do…more later…but try to think if you have experienced something that gave you a secret which changed you…changed you to the core of your being…if you haven't try to take one from someone you know and see if you can change or appreciate your life more than before knowing what you learned...it's worth it!