What Started It All?

I have read a few medical journal articles pointing to the fact that thousands walk around with pituitary tumors with no effects on their daily lives and that a severe trauma can "kick" them in to being active.

A couple of months before I went to the doctor I was starting to have symptoms, ones I didn't even know I had...like high blood pressure. These caused me to lose my disability benefits through work because no one told me about them and attributed them to the accident and related stress.

Anyway, in May 2004 I had been in a head-on car accident where I had some head trauma and neck pain and began to suffer from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. RSD is a life-long disease and causes weakness and nerve pain on one side or specific areas of the body; wherever there is trauma caused by an accident or abuse. I still have that weakness as noted in February by my physical therpaist who orginally treated my condition. She noted I would have to have therapy for periods of time for the rest of my life. But that is not where it began...the therapy that is...

Regardless, tomorrow I go to a physician because of the car accident who may be able to tell me if it caused my Cushing's to start being active. Which means, I could have went my entire life without issue and the threat of losing everything I have worked toward? I guess it would make a good case and help me get more money in that case but I will never regain what I have lost to Cushing's.

Tomorrow I may find out what started it all and that scares me but it supports medical evidence and that of my friends that have Cushing's. Many of us have had some sort of head accident or abuse that caused us to go into severe stress and kick our pituitary and adrenal glands into overdrive where they stayed and gave us Cushing's. Part of me wants to believe it was the accident that caused me to suffer such pain and loss but the other part knows it would cause others to go undiagnosed who have high blood pressure, diabetes and obesity around the middle. I would hate for that to be the case and be responsible for so many to go untreated. Granted my life is not the same and I have problems that will last a life time but the good thing is I have my life and a second chance at doing it right, or for the right reasons.

Cushing's has given me some things I would have never gotten if had not experienced this disease and its life long effects. I would never have met a wonderful man, realized that I had gotten caught up in my career and was missing out on life, a spirituality that does not have to be based on religion and a new appreciation for who I am. I always knew who I was but when you come close to losing your life you really know who you are...

Do I want to think it all happened because of a car accident? I'm not sure but maybe tomorrow I will get closer to an answer as to why this disease came to me and changed my life and the lives of others...

An Opportunity for Greater Good

Today I did something I would never usually do...I put myself in front of the camera to talk about Cushing's and my experiences. It could be used for a makeover show on a major national cable station and maybe, just maybe someone will see the possibility to help me do something greater with my life. I hate being in front of the camera but if it helps others with Cushing's and diseases make it through the hard times in life than it truly is all worth it. I'll put up pics soon since I have lost 35 - 40 of the 80 pounds I have gained. I'm almost there but I could live with this body if only I knew how to dress it and make it "me."

Anyway, I hope that they pick me to air and not for selfish reasons but because there is the possibility that I could touch at least one person and help them. Not that I would turn down a fun makeover...but I like to produce video segments not be the star. But, hey, maybe someone will see it and think I should get a grant to start an organization to help people financially with disease that can not make the ends meet or get the care they deserve. I've worked with advocacy groups before but I would love to build one that would help people emotionally and mentally as well as financially since that is what I discovered is missing to help people who experience long-term illness. Insurance runs out or jobs walk away because you have been sick for too long. Why should people who get ill be punished just for getting sick...it's not like we all asked for tumors in our heads or elsewhere for that matter. Families don't have cash to loan you and life becomes rough.

That's the hardest part is trying to put your life back together after a long disability. Employers in America are really not understanding of people who get hit by disaster. I wonder if Katrina victims experience the same thing as sick people. You lose everything and have no way to replace it. Maybe someone will see this and help make a difference in my life and others like me. I don't know that the world is ready for a program that actually helps people like us but it should be!

Anyway, it was a long day and I did my best to get us on so maybe we can get the help we need...I won't find out for a few weeks but keep your fingers crossed and maybe by then I'll have one more piece of the puzzle of my life put back together...oh, by the way I still am interviewing but people seem confused by my medical disaster and my positive attitude.

Perhaps that is why I am not getting a job - they think it is all an act or not reality. But, you do learn a lot about yourself once you have gone through an experience like Cushing's. I do want to do something greater than myself. And, there is always the possibility my disease comes back but I believe a positive attitude can get you many places in life...I'm just still waiting for it to happen career-wise. I have everyone I need and most of all my life...now if I could only pay the bills!

Keep your fingers toes and all else crossed!