Life in Fates Hands

I have been trying to put my life in fate's hands so that my career will be the right one and I will not be stuck in the repeated pattern of taking a job just to get one. I have several opportunities that I am working on but am still not hapy with what I have seen. One job is of interest and I should hear shortly but I also have some concerns that need to be addressed before I take it. This is the hardest place for me to put myself in fate's hands since I am down to the last pennies in the bank and really need to work but I hate to be miserable for the next few jobs due to a hasty decision.

I know you may think I am crazy but I do believe being unhappy in my job/career did contribute to my healing and illness. I have recently been working on sorting out what has changed since my illness and many people would find it interesting to know how much I have changed. Too bad this is not something I can explain to you in this format.

I would love to continue to help others in my position and to get paid for it. Today I was on the phone for almost two hours helping a lady in Ohio decide whther to get her surgery and how to work with her competing endos. She is going ahead with the surgery and I send her my most positive energy to make it through this journey. Perhaps I am meant to be a patient advocate. I don't mind a pay cut and many people do not believe me but I just want to be truely happy in my life. Finally I am happy with who I am and who I am with and how I live my life. Perhaps with just a little more time the career will follow and I have to allow fate to do it's job.

I have come to the conclusion that religion is not for me and spirituality is the way to a sound mind/body and spirit for me. This upsets many people since I was raised a devote Catholic and many people hear this thinking I believe in "dark" things. This is in no way true and I feel closer to the spiritual world after a walk or a good night's sleep and meditation. This has allowed me to become happy with my life and my big sign to do something was Cushing's. I realize with this awakening I will be able to change the habits that allowed me to become ill from stress and heartache. It has allowed me to deal with my past and put it in a place where it deserves to be.

So now I just have to wait for fate to decide my career status. I trust the Universe will bring the right opportunity at the right time but I just hope it happens soon. I have lived a very patient life in the past couple of years so now I am eager to jump back in fully. Perhaps some of you can help or have ideas of what fate may have in store for me.

Have a great night and get some sleep from that missing hour we just experienced.

Healing and Trying to Move Forward

Some of you may not agree with this but I have been reading a book recently and it talks about the growth of support groups and our dependency on them - to remain sick even after we have healed - to hold onto our illness as a wound and not as a badge of honor. If we look at larger support groups like breast cancer we see this clearly - the role of the survivor becoming a healer and helped of others. These women become empowered (internally and externally) and help their fellow breast cancer sisters and brothers. This is an example of when and how our role should change so we can truly be healed from our battle with Cushing's. We move from the need of support to the role of helping others heal and be happy to be alive.

Another member of a few of the support groups and I have been chatting recently and discovered that because we have looked at ourselves both physically, emotionally, and health wise we have come to a true healing. Once we have done that can we help each other. We were able to move past our suffering from Cushing's and be able to support those of you just starting your journey and those in the middle. Our roles have changed in this group and others to that of helping others find the same happiness. Granted our lives will never be the same but we have learned valuable lessons that will help us help others that have suffered from similar issues. By hanging onto our illness even after we have been physically healed we continue to make ourselves ill and not allowing our emotional pains to heal.

I plan to remain a member of allt eh Cushing's groups because I enjoy helping others find their way and that has been part of my healing. Being a part of these groups has allowed me to move past the pains of Cushing's so that I can help others. I hope that once you are fixed physically (and I realize we will all have our constant life battles because of this disease) we should remain here to help. I know that several of us have "healed" physically but I think we can only give back by helping others heal emotionally from the disease that took so much of our lives! While we can not get it all back we now have a family and circle of friends that we can rely on for support and healing. While I am still in my physical healing process (post-op pituitary and post-exogenous Cushing's) I have learned a lot from each of my Cushing's friends around the world and plan to give back as it will be the only we can continue to heal ourselves.

I hope that you find inspiration from those of us who have "survived" and will stay and help your fellow brothers and sisters with Cushing's so that they may continue the tradition and we can all heal physically and emotionally. Only then can we empower ourselves to be true advocates in the fight to help others with Cushing's on a more global and far-reaching basis.

The reason I write this email is that I have been working to raise awareness of Cushing's with the media and other people of influence and they understand out plight but sometimes think we come across as whining (weight gain, hair loss, etc.) making Cushing's a less important disease and our stories less credible. Our stories are powerful and ones that can help change others with or without the disease. Let's focus on helping each other heal completely so that when we tell our stories that are ones of empowerment vs. ones that makes people react with disbelief and think we are crazy - like many of our docs.

I still have a ways to go before my body is healed but I know that time will come and with patience I will return to the physically strong person I was before. This disease has made me stronger in more ways than I can count and I only hope to help others.