Help, I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

Okay, this is so not funny. Last night I forgot to mention that I fell out of bed. Literally. I’ve been having major pains in my muscles, bones and joints lately but last night it came across loud and clear – “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

As I tried to get out of bed for one of my many nightly runs to the bathroom I fell. Yup, flat on my face as my knees buckled under me. It took me a few moments to figure out what had happened to me in the pitch blackness of my bedroom but then the sudden urge to pee came back to me! Yikes, I have to go!

Flashes of that horrible commercial with all the old people pressing that ugly necklace crying out came crashing through my head like a tsunami (bad reference I know but I couldn’t resist, besides that’s what my bladder felt like). As I pulled myself to my unsteady feet and wobbled to the bathroom I began to prepare. As I began to sit a terrible thing came over me once again. I couldn’t get my knees to work yet again, this time to bend. There I was in the darkness of my bathroom trying to pee but failing to be able to sit. All of a sudden I plummeted with such force I was sure that more than my pee was going to go down with the flush. I fell onto the seat. Have no fear, it only took me 20 minutes to arise from the thrown and roll back onto my bed.

Needless to say the rest of today was a trip, the knees still aren’t working and I even had a friend help me buy heating pads to wrap them in since the ice I managed to pack them in hasn’t helped.

A friend kindly suggested that I get a walker to leave by the toilet so that I don’t fall in or get an “old lady toilet.” I guess there is a strange one with handles? I think I’ll leave that for another day and hope the fates are kind.

Who knew at the age of 31 I’d be living in the body of a 90-year-old woman?